Look What You Made Me Do..

photo credit: Enokson via photopin cc

I'm thinking about that phrase today, the "look what you made me do" phrase, because I used it last night with one of my sons. I've used this phrase a lot and I grew up  hearing this phrase.

It's actually a pretty funny phrase, because when I was younger I would be like, "oh, really and how did 'I' make you drop this or spill that?" And now as a parent I can see!! Because you see...when we use this phrase that means that our stress level has already reached it's max.

And once we use that phrase it means someone has exceeded the threshold of our stress level limit and caused us to drop something or spill something. It also means that the young person more than likely already ignored the pleas from the parent to please stop.

The "we're not going to talk about this right now" or "I'm really, really busy right now" (maybe with your hands in raw meat or something - that kind of busy) or the "for the love of God, please stop" (whatever it is that you would like them to stop doing - nagging, a temper tantrum, tormenting each other - anything).

So when the child just keeps going when you asked them to stop, then the blame is instantly on them when you spill something or drop something, or maybe even accidentally walk into something. Anything instantly becomes the child's fault and out comes the "look what you made me do" phrase and the "now see, if you had just stopped, I wouldn't have spilled this, or walked into that, or banged myself with the cabinet" - you get the picture here.

Random Acts of Kindness Ideas

photo credit: The Sean & Lauren Spectacular via photopin cc

First, before I share my short list of random acts of kindness ideas I wanted to share a few stories of my own. I was raised to believe that if we do something nice for someone we shouldn't "boast" about it or brag about it.

But in the case of the inspiration that I see coming out of the recent tragedy at Sandy Hook I think that it's helping our country to heal by seeing so many beautiful stories of random acts of kindness.  

I've always been a believer in random acts of kindness my whole life and I hope that people stick with this because there are things that you can do all year long to make our world a better place. And how rewarding is it to bring happiness to others? There is no price tag on that reward. You can make a difference in someone's life even with just a kind word, an ear to listen or a smile. This is so true...

I'd like to share a few stories where people did nice things for me over the years, because it shows you that there are those of us that truly do appreciate it and will never forget a random act of kindness. I will also share one of my own, just one though because I don't like to brag.

My Special Memories of Random Acts of Kindness

There are many, but these ones stand out in my mind in particular....Well when my older boys were younger we didn't have a washer and dryer, so I took our laundry to the laundromat and there was this really nice lady that worked there named Carmen. She immediately took me and my boys under her wing. I was there a lot doing laundry and we'd always talk. She was very motherly/grandmotherly with us. My now 12-year-old son was just four at the time.   

Anyhow, she would always give him loose change that she found around the laundromat when she'd clean. She would give me hugs and everything sometimes just because. She's a very loving person and most people that went in there loved her. Well this one Mother's Day she gave me a Mother's Day Card and inside the card was $50. She made me take it; insisted on it actually and I'll never forget her or that day as long as I live... Years later I brought her flowers on Mother's Day with a card and if I ever get rich she's on my list to visit and help out.

Christmas of 2008, I took my boys to get our Christmas tree at a tree lot in search of the perfect tree and a man that worked there asked if he could help us. I told him how much money I had to work with and what I was looking for. He found us the perfect tree but it was $20 more than what I could afford. He gave us the tree anyway and even helped us get it to my car. He knew when he took us to this tree that it wasn't in my budget but he guided us to it anyway; that really touched my heart that year.

When my older boys were little, one Christmas a neighbor of mine left me $100 inside of a Christmas card in my mailbox. It was signed, "From Santa," but I knew it was her because another neighbor told me later. It was touching because I barely knew her. She lived down the street from us.  

Christmas of 2010, my brothers business was finally starting to boom and he wanted to do something nice for me. He called me one day and said that him and the wife were gonna stop by to give me my present. He hands me a Christmas card. Inside was a check addressed to me for $500. Both the check and what he wrote brought me to tears. I cried in my brothers arms because it was the sweetest thing ever.

Christmas of 2011, I had an old friend's wife offer to adopt my family for Christmas. I was truly touched by this because she didn't have to. I let no one know I was struggling that year and...we're a big family, lol. She really did a lot for all of us, even me. It was touching.  

Winter of 2011, I was having a difficult time and one day my 6-year-old who at the time was five and in kindergarten, he needed a new coat. His teacher randomly called me and said she had a coat for him. This act of kindness was paid forward from something I did years earlier....

When my older boys were younger my oldest son had a friend that I always felt bad for when I saw him walking to school. His coat was old and didn't fit him. The sleeves were short, he had no hood, no hat, no gloves, and it always just really bothered me. I knew that his parents were good people and that did the best they could, so I decided to do something about it. I bought him a new coat and gloves, then had my sister in law knit him a scarf and hat.  

I gave it to his teacher to give to him as an anonymous gift. He never knew it was from me until this past year when one of my boys finally decided to tell him. He said they always wondered who it was from. Back then my reward didn't come from them knowing it was from me. It came from seeing him walking to school with his new coat, hat and gloves knowing that he was warm. I smiled to myself every time I saw him.    

Which brings us to my list of ideas...

Random Acts of Kindness Ideas

These are ideas that you can do all year long and if you think of something that I didn't add, please feel free to comment with your idea!

*  Thank a teacher, first responders, a police officer, your principal, mental health worker, guidance counselor, service man, or anyone that has made a difference in your life or your community or the world!

*  Christmas time donate a stocking full of surprises or several stockings full of surprises to a child in need.

*  Christmas time adopt a family or child in need.

*  If you know a family in your town in need, then Christmas time secretly adopt them. Buy a few gifts for their children and randomly leave the gifts by their door and do it anonymously. Maybe leave a note:  "Merry Christmas, From Santa."

*  Any time of year randomly or regularly donate food and other items to your local food pantry. At the holidays help a family in need to have a nice holiday meal by donating a turkey, or ham, etc.

*  Leave $10-$20 or however much you'd like to leave inside of a box of diapers or baby wipes at your local grocery store or department store.

*  Leave a generous tip for your waiter, waitress, cab driver, hair dresser, etc.

*  Thank your cashier. Even if she's not so friendly, maybe she's not so friendly because the 20 people before you treated her like garbage.

*  Donate a hat, coat, gloves, etc. to a child in need.

*  In June before summer break donate a book bag or a couple of book bags full of school supplies for children of different ages, maybe a kindergartner or 3rd grader, etc. Then donate them to a school and ask them to give them to a family in need that way those families that maybe struggle to buy school supplies for their kids won't have to worry come September. What a nice idea right?

*  Do something nice for a new mom. Treat her out to lunch or maybe offer to babysit so she can go and get her nails done or maybe her hair done, or how about bring her lunch and offer to do some dishes.  Watch the baby so she can take a little nap; anything like that.  

*  Do something nice for a hard working mom or dad. Maybe a gift card to eat out at their favorite restaurant or something nice like that.  

*  When you see that Salvation Army guy or gal at Christmas time ringing that bell out in the cold for donations to families in need tell them what a great job their doing and maybe treat them to a hot cocoa.

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas!!

My Thoughts About More Security in Schools

I really have to applaud President Obama right now. His grief is genuine and anyone can see that. I was just reading an article about his speech in Newtown, CT, and, you know, sadly there are so many more things our schools should do that they shouldn't have to do to protect our kids. I was thinking about this yesterday... This particular school had a "buzz in" security system, but the perp broke in through a window.

I say change all the windows on the bottom floors to a non-breakable glass, have someone patrol the property and maybe even have it so that you need permission to enter parking areas. I mean, if it means keeping our kids safe, then let them do whatever they need to do to protect them from psychopaths.

It's sad that we should even have to think of these things, but we do. Oh, and metal detectors would be great; even in Elementary schools...  How sad that it has come to this in our world, but I think it needs to be done.

My Thoughts on the Newtown, CT Tragedy

Here is what I take away from all of this today. There is actually a lot to be learned from this senseless act of violence. Once again we're hearing about how polite the shooter was and how he was shy, quiet, etc. We also heard mental health problems.

First of all, let's not end up with a mental health stigma. Not every person in the world with a mental health problem is going to commit murder and most certainly not every person that's shy is a future murderer. It would be ludicrous to have that assumption.

But with that said, if someone is disturbingly troubled...and you know them...make sure that they are getting the help that they need. There are different types of mental illness and with some types you would have to worry about more if a person was walking around unmedicated or on the wrong medication, particularly if they experience psychosis, hear voices and experience hallucinations and delusions.

Here's the questions I want answered. What the H-E double L was wrong with him? That's the angry, human question. Realistically, though, what was his history? What led up to these acts? What was his dx? Was he untreated? Was he on street drugs? What made him snap? Normal people don't do these things. Someone that knew him missed something!

Something went wrong with his programming in his upbringing in spite of being raised in suburbia. Something went terribly wrong and we as a nation have a right to know what went wrong, because we as a nation are grieving for these children and these adults that were innocent in it all.

If you know someone with mental illness make sure that they're getting the help that they need and do not slip through the cracks of society. And I have one more question too that sadly the mother can not answer for us all. 

Why in the world did his mother have guns in the house if she had a son with mental health problems living there? And how did he have access to them? See...gun laws wouldn't apply to this case, because the mother purchased them. I do think we need new gun laws now, definitely, but sadly that wouldn't have prevented this tragedy.  

I have been against new gun laws only because I think that people have a right to bare arms, but now I think there needs to be new laws, most definitely. Even many gun owners are having a change of heart after this story. Although, like I said, it wouldn't have changed the outcome in this particular case, because the shooter was not the one that purchased the weapons used.  

I think that what this story boils down to is his mental health and the fact that his mother owned guns when she had a young man in her house with mental illness. I'm sure that even if she didn't own guns and he truly wanted to commit this act that he would have found a way. They always do. But it would have made it a lot harder.

And last but not least, of course,  the universal message that we always take away from tragedies like these is that life is short. Hug and kiss your babies every chance you get and tell your loved ones you love them, because you never know if when you say goodbye it will be the last time you will see them...

 

In Memory of the Lives Lost in Newtown, CT on 12/14/2012

I made this late last night in honor and memory of the 20 little lambs that lost their lives yesterday in a senseless act of violence and the seven adults that were someone's mother, father, son, daughter, sister, brother, and/or friend.

May they all Rest in Peace and may the survivors one day find peace and strength to carry on after everything they've been through and are going to go through without their loved ones.

And I pray for all of the souls that witnessed such horrific violence and who will now have to live with those memories, the children, the adults that worked in the school and the first responders. May God be with them all...

Please share this candle and spread it with Love...