Funny Ecards: 2021 Mirror, Mirror on the Wall Funny Ecard

Carmen's Inspirational Creations: The Don't Quit Poem

The Don't Quit poem is special to me because back in 1998 when I was 19 years old and going through a hard time this poem was given to me by two different people on the same day without realizing they had given me the same poem - my mother and my aunt. I had temporarily put my things in storage and stayed with my mother for about six months while I found a new job and new home. 

And the day I was moving my things out of storage I put a bunch of my pictures on top of my car and drove away with the pictures on top of the car. Needless to say they broke all over the road and I had to get new ones. My mom and aunt both surprised me and got me new pictures for my home and one poem was brand new, the other was second hand. 

When I received this poem from them both on the same day without them realizing they did this I saw it as a sign from God that everything was gonna be okay and to keep my head up and Don't Quit... If you're going through a hard time in life or a dark time, I hope this poem brings some sort of peace to you as well like it did for me. Perhaps God is speaking through me to you as with my aunt and mother for me...

Funny Cat Pics: Forgot the soft food funny cat pic

Change: Blog Renovations...

 

Well this was a long time coming but it was in fact time. I've removed a couple sections of my blog. I removed my funny ecards and pics section and my daily inspiration section 😥. 

Most of that was old - from 2012-2014. But have no fear, I'm adding new. Instead of sharing, I'll be making my own and I'm SO excited to get started. I already have so many ideas. 

Along with these changes I'll have more disciplined set days of posting. As for life, doctor's appointment went well. It was just an update from my last endoscopy, which I already knew some of what would be discussed. Made changes to the medications I'm on to heal my stomach and then I have another scope in June to see if it's healing. 

Also have to get more bloodwork and get back in to see the hematologist. So that's that happy news. Oh, and Fidelis strikes again. They won't approve my ulcer medicine for twice a day, which is pantoprazole, which they did approve twice a day last month. But anyhow, I'm paying for that out of pocket too cause they think they know more than my GI who's one of the best in New York. 

Not too much to share this week. Got my stimulus like many and mine went on bills, bills, and more bills. Just kidding. Bills, things for the kids and my home, bills, some things for myself, bills, fixing my car, bills and saving the rest. 

This past year taught me more about saving and eliminating things I don't need to be making payments on. I've read comments from others on YouTube stating the same, about getting rid of payments. Tired of payments. Save, buy and be done with it unless you're paying to build credit. 

Now that's another story. In that case budget in the possibility of an unprecedented national crisis and pandemic, and make sure you have a good savings lined up. Nothing like getting your stomach in a knot because the phone is ringing...yeah, that was 2020 for me many times.

Not gonna lie, that was my life before 2020 but it got worse in 2020. I'm proud to say though that I got out of the hole I was in mainly on my own before my stimulus kicked in. That just finished off what I had already accomplished. Utility company was paid up to zero balance two weeks prior for the first time in over ten years. 

That was exciting 🥳, seriously. I hate utility companies. They bleed us dry 🤪. Not sure what's worse, them, the finance companies, them, health insurance companies, them, groceries, or them. And they have you by the you know what's cause in my state there's only ONE gas/electric company. 

I feel sad for the people out there who end up shut off. They don't care. They pretend they do in the media but the truth is - they don't care. I remember back when COVID first started during the "two week quarantine" back in March and they were talking all over the TV and YouTube about how utility companies were working with folks, including the cable company. Yeah. Not quite. 

I got sick for seven to eight weeks with COVID like symptoms from late March through early May and I was harassed and threatened several times and ended up paying up even though I barely had it. Matter of fact, I remember the cable company who shall remain nameless, said they put me into this protection extension program they had for people affected by COVID including folks with home schooled kids. 

I had a short extension. Then I immediately started getting automated messages about shutting me off on the weekend shortly after getting added to this "extension program," so I paid it cause I work from home and my computer is my job, and my girls were and are still homeschooling. 

That was fun when I was lying on my couch wondering if I should go to the hospital (which according to the TV was certain death in NY) and actually calling the ER at one point to get assured that I wasn't dying because it felt like my lungs were being squished and having no one to watch my girls if I had to go cause it was COVID and everyone was "separating," and then also having to deal with that harassment as well. Yeah, so that was fun.

I literally taught myself how to check my breathing till my pulse oximeter arrived that I ordered which took forever cause of COVID. By the time I received it I was better but I kept it next to me when I slept for a long time after the trauma of being sick, especially the first night when I woke up gasping for air. 

From that night forward I slept with my head elevated and drank a lot of water. Human instinct kicked in. I flooded myself with loads of vitamin C rich fruits, lots of fluids, smoothies, every green vegetable you can imagine, organic apple cider vinegar tonics, every medicinal tea from Mother Earth you can imagine for lung health and the immune system, and in the end, yes, even raw garlic. The raw garlic gave whatever it was the final kick out of my system.

My doctor said I did the right thing with all I did when I finally spoke to her, which was via telephone appointment cause you couldn't get in to see anyone. She could also hear how raspy I sounded and winded. I felt winded just talking, sitting up straight, or bending over to pick up something off the floor. 

I couldn't sit up straight longer than 10-20 minutes without feeling winded and still took care of my family. So that was fun. Still not sure if that was COVID or an evil flu strain. Never been sick that long in my entire life except for when I had Mono as a kid. Never. By the time I tested it was at the end of my illness and the testing was still new and there were many false negatives. 

And remember, my son who had it in December tested negative two days before he started showing symptoms then later tested positive. Who knows? But also again, my one daughter's on an inhaler from "the flu" a few years ago and I lost a brother to a freak form of pneumonia back in 2014. He literally walked himself into the emergency room out of breath, was put on a ventilator the same day and we had to take him off life support a week later.  

So back on track here...I remember thinking what about people who completely lost their income? I actually filed a complaint against the lying cable company cause they bold face lied in an email. Liars, liars pants on fire, all of 'em. 

Long story short I'm putting my best foot forward this year and paying off as many things as I can and saving, saving, and did I mention saving. I feel like there was more I had to say but I´m drawing a blank. Perhaps my next post won´t be 11:00 at night and I won't have the personality of a snail 😂. Till next time...🙃.

With Love,

Carmen

Carmen's Inspirational Creations: If You Believe It You Can Achieve It...

If you believe it, you can achieve it. A little self belief goes a long way. Sometimes in life we're our own worst enemies when it comes to failure . But we're more powerful than we know and realize if we just believe... We can do anything we set our minds to with self belief, faith and perseverance. Never let anyone tell you, you can't do anything. 

Believe in yourself and have faith in God and no matter what you'll get through it and achieve it. Maybe not as fast as we'd like sometimes but in God's divine time. And if it doesn't happen it wasn't meant to be and God has a different plan for you, a grander plan. Just hang tight though and keep the faith.

Ibuprofen Warning: My peptic ulcer nightmare

So to start this story we're gonna have to go back to the beginning...when I was a little girl. I was a playful adventurous child always outdoors. 

And I loved to climb things when I was little, especially the "monkey bars" at the playground. But I also loved to climb trees or anything I could climb on, even the swing sets; I'd climb those too. 

But indoors I'd climb door jambs and then swing from the top. I loved to climb so much so that an uncle of mine used to call me "monkey" when I was real little. And I was about four to 5 years old when I fell from a door jamb while my older brother was babysitting me. 

My mother took me to the ER but I guess they didn't really look into my neck. I'm not sure but all I know is throughout my childhood I suffered with severe migraines that weren't partially resolved till I was 11/12 years of age when my mother took me to a chiropractor who found that I had vertebrae out of alignment in my neck from the fall I took when I was 4/5 years old. 

During the years that I suffered with migraines they'd usually come on with excitement, like the 4th of July or something like that. I remember I lost an entire 4th of July from a migraine. But back then you could only take Tylenol as a child. You couldn't have ibuprofen till you were 12. There was no such thing as children's ibuprofen back then, just Tylenol and Tylenol didn't help my headaches. 

In the beginning my mother took me to the hospital a couple times cause they were so bad. I'd end up passing out from the pain. If you've ever had one you know the drill - light and noise make the pain worse and you need a dark quiet room till it passes. After the chiropractor realigned my neck the headaches subsided for the most part. 

Every now and then I'd get a wicked one but when you go through that you learn to manage them. And one of the things I learned from a young age is to take something at the first sign of pain otherwise the medicine wouldn't help. Once I was old enough for ibuprofen that's what I used and that's the only thing that helped my migraines. 

But like I said I didn't get them as often as when I was a child, so it was okay. Later in life when I was 28 I had a car accident where I was rear-ended. The person hit me full force at about 45/50 and the entire backend of my minivan was caved in and a total loss. Lucky for me all I ended up with was a bulging disc in my C spine and my children weren't in the car at the time. It was just me. 

But unlucky for me this has caused me to suffer with daily headaches ever since. There was no settlement. I did not sue. I had to fight to have medical bills paid. Tried physical therapy, didn't help. The only thing that helped was heat and ibuprofen...so I began to take it daily to keep the headaches at bay not realizing I was destroying my stomach in the process. 

Anything to stop the pain and keep the headaches at bay, cause they began to take on a new life of their own, more debilitating than ever if it gets bad. Yes, I still have them and I'm seeing a neurologist next month. I refuse to take pain pills. That's not me, so I prefer over the counter stuff. 

So back to the title, why the warning? Well within the past 1-2 years I began to suffer with a burning pain in my abdomen. I was afraid I had cancer or something, which I'm still not 100% out of the woods with that scare yet. This whole year has been a nightmare with that scare. I'll explain... 

So to address the burning pain in my abdomen that was so bad that I could only sleep on my back I began to see different specialists to get to the bottom of this pain that radiated into my back. So I started with a GYN, then Ortho (cause I also have slight scoliosis) and Gastroenterologist. GYN and Ortho were first. 

I was due for my exam anyway and I should also add this was all pushed back cause of COVID too, so I suffered in pain and had to wait till it was safe to be seen. Thank God nothing happened while I waited because by the time it was caught I was severely anemic which even on iron I'm still anemic but we'll get to that too... 

So all clear with GYN and ortho! GYN sent me for some tests after my exam, ultrasounds were all clear. Then ortho did x-ray of my back and found that my scoliosis is the same as it was ten years ago but I do have the beginnings of degeneration at my tailbone probably because I have a desk job. Ugh. So anyhow, then comes gastro. 

First they did colonoscopy. Found some things, did biopsies, biopsies were clear. At this point it was found that I was severely anemic though. Started me on extra iron. Then waited for my endoscopy. Wake up from endoscopy to find out that I had a medium sized hiatal hernia (we've determined likely from my twin pregnancy), GERD that I didn't know I had so bad that I had scar tissue in my esophagus (from the hernia), AND she stressed to me that I had "really, really bad peptic ulcers." 

And she started me on something right away for the peptic ulcers. This type of ulcer, peptic ulcers are caused by one of two things: ibuprofen or H-pylori bacteria. She did a bunch of biopsies again and tested for h-pylori. Everything was clear thankfully but not out of the woods. Gotta heal the ulcers. Stress makes ulcers worse and my life is full of stress. 

So trying to reduce stress, which again is not the cause but can make this type of ulcer worse, and ironically at this point I had given up ibuprofen last spring of 2020 because I was afraid of having a stroke now that I'm in my 40s. My big brother who passed away in 2014 of pneumonia and sepsis had a stroke a few years before his passing and I didn't want to increase my risk. I know that ibuprofen can increase your risk of those things so I had already given it up by the time we found the ulcers. 

So that was good but the damage was done. I had to go back after four months to see how they were healing. During that time I had a headache that was so painful I was forced to take ibuprofen but only twice. And that was after suffering for three or four days and nothing was helping. When I woke up from the endoscopy in February the first thing my GI asked me was, did you take ibuprofen? 

I said only once and I felt so bad but explained. And she understood. She said my hernia is small now, not medium, so that's good, but that my stomach is worse. I've been under a lot of stress since my last endoscopy so I think that worsened it, but she said even once with the ibuprofen can also worsen it. She told me to take Excedrin Tension for my headaches. 

I have yet to pick it up but will soon cause last week I had a wicked headache again from stress. I take Tylenol but it does absolutely nada for my headaches and that's been my experience my entire life but I refuse to take pain pills so I suffer. Anyhow, I go back for the follow up on the biopsies from this endoscopy this week. 

I might have to reschedule though. We'll see. So after the second endoscopy she has me taking the ulcer medicine twice a day now and then something to coat my stomach at bedtime. Sometimes it feels like it's improving. Sometimes it doesn't. I saw a hematologist in January. The GI referred me to him because my anemia didn't resolve with the daily iron. 

I'm supposed to go back to him but had to cancel and haven't had time to reschedule. I guess my type of anemia could be linked to cancer but they're not finding cancer. Overdue for mammogram, which I was supposed to have in August and have been rescheduling ever since. I don't know. I have deep circles under my eyes that started a couple years ago but could be from the anemia they say. Who knows? 

COVID messed up many of my appointments and pushed things back so here we are...still trying to piece it all together. My mammo is Tuesday of this week. I might get my butt in there finally and not reschedule. Hopefully the anemia is just from my ulcers that again, sometimes feel like they're healing and other times when under stress feel like they're not healing. 

Just talking about them is making them hurt, ugh. The moral to the story - it all started from ibuprofen, something you get over the counter for a headache. Unbelievable... So take care of yourself. If you have pain, don't wait. Don't put it off. I'm that mom that always puts myself last and puts everyone and everything else first but we have to take care of ourselves too, because if we don't then we won't be around for our kids. 

Ironically it was my new year's resolution in 2020 to take better care of my health. I was so excited because I got better insurance for the first time in my life fall of 2019 and I was gonna finally make time to do this. And then COVID happened and appointments got pushed out. But we're getting there. Take care of yourself and avoid excessive use of ibuprofen. If you have severe headaches talk to your doctor to find something that won't destroy your stomach. Be well.

With Love,

Carmen

Carmen's Inspirational Creations: Inspire...

Inspire and be inspired...

Worst Timing Ever for a Late Start to Tax Season

 

It's that time again, tax time, and is it just me or does the season start later and later each year? Always an excuse for a late start for one reason or another. Before you know it it's gonna start the following year. 

Honestly, nothing surprises me anymore or would surprise me. But this year with the fumbling of the stimulus all year while many people are suffering cause we're in unprecedented times I was really hoping for tax season to start on time. 

I'm still in disbelief how fast the first stimulus rolled out, then the second one they literally waited till people were about to run out of funding to do something. Why wait till the last minute like that? Don't we teach our children not to procrastinate and wait till the last minute on a project or an important homework assignment? 

And here we are, the government of one of the most powerful countries in the world, the United States, dragging its feet waiting till the last minute to help people who are suffering due to no fault of their own - businesses closed, people became homeless, people went hungry, suicides went up, and people died from the virus...what a terrible year. Thank God it's over. I know we were all rooting for the New Year. 

But people are still suffering, so it's not over yet and we're still dealing with this virus and the madness that follows it including the ramifications of social distancing. I was lucky enough to have worked through the pandemic because I've been working from home the past ten years, and my sons all worked through it. Their jobs were essential, but many others weren't so lucky. 

And what about the people who lost time from work because they got sick, or the people who could no longer provide for their families because they died of COVID? How about small business owners who had to close and ended up going bankrupt? Businesses with over 10-30 plus years in business gone because they were forced to shut down, dreams shut down.

No one asked for this. I lost time from work last spring when I had "COVID like" symptoms and literally couldn't sit at my desk because it felt like my lungs were being squished. I was possibly exposed at the end of February when one of my sons had to see a specialist down in New York City twice. And remember, it was rampant down in the city. We were down in the city before we knew it was there sadly.

This was at the beginning of the pandemic and testing wasn't out yet so by the time it was available its accuracy was questionable. I didn't get tested till I was pretty much better and at the end of the illness and tested negative but I've never been so sick in my life. I was sick for seven to eight weeks and my doctor was sure I had it based on my symptoms and what I went through. We were all sick including my asthmatic child; her and I were the worst off but with all of my herbal remedies and healthy teas and foods and smoothies we got better, and a lot of water and rest as well. 

We used her albuterol every four hours during the worst of it for her. That was a nightmare and I've been playing catch up financially ever since and I'm almost caught up. Then in December one of my adult sons tested positive for COVID. But let's not forget if your kids are home schooling cause of the pandemic and you have no childcare or after school program cause you don't want to risk exposing an at risk child this can also affect your earnings. It did mine. I made less working around them. 

Then if anyone has COVID symptoms they have to quarantine and miss work or school. One of my sons actually lost his job of three years because he had to call out for things like that but lucky for him his unemployment was temporary cause he just found a new job after just a month or less on unemployment. Everyone's situation is different though. 

Again, there's those people though that are high risk and don't want to risk their lives for minimum wage, or people that aren't lucky and don't get that second job. My son went on two interviews recently. He didn't get the first interview but didn't give up and went on another interview and landed that one. I raised my kids to not be on the system and to work hard.

So with my son that caught COVID, before he actually had the virus a coworker had it and the entire restaurant closed while it was cleaned and everyone was tested. His first test was negative but then days after his negative test he had symptoms, so watch out for those negative tests. I was exposed to his actual vomit at one point before he isolated outside of the home, and he coughed around all of us at home a few times but because he tested negative we didn't think anything of it. 

When he realized he probably had it he isolated outside of the home and ended up hospitalized for other reasons and that's when he tested positive for COVID and was stuck on that floor of the hospital he was in. Not because he was deathly sick, but because he was there for other reasons but couldn't be on any other floor. So that was a nightmare. Luckily for him it was just like a cold for him but he still doesn't have his sense of smell back and it's been over two months now. 

After he tested positive I thought for sure I'd get it because I handled his vomit and I'm high risk because of health issues I have, and so is my asthmatic daughter, but we didn't get it. I'm so GLAD we didn't get it but considering the paranoia surrounding the virus I was surprised we didn't because we were exposed to his coughing and I cleaned up his vomit. So anyhow, I'm still not taking any chances and I'm careful and obsessive with hand washing, etc. 

So back to the TAXES... After allll of that, this horrid nightmare of a year, I thought to myself, well, since they took so long to move on the stimulus and then after the dragging of the feet and high school theatrics between both parties it was only 600, and then they began to drag their feet on this new promise to add 1400, which is looking like possibly late March (I'm thankful for anything, let me state that) I thought at least those of us that get something back tax time can look forward to that. 

And even though last year it started late that was better than waiting for this next round of stimulus. People could use their returns to get ahead and try and get caught up. But, nope. Later start than last year and it just doesn't make sense to me. And now again waiting till people who are on unemployment run out of their benefits to pass the next stimulus. Why? It just doesn't make sense. 

The only thing that makes sense is that they don't really care about us, either party. Don't be fooled by parties, all the same. People are suffering and it's not right. Some people judge those out of work but what about those who are high risk that can't work from home and usually work with the public, or the paycheck-to-paycheck people who do the best they can without government assistance but don't make enough to save for emergencies but still get by normally when we're not in a pandemic and unprecedented times? 

I noticed a lot of my favorite older ladies that work in the grocery stores I shop in are no longer there. That's just one example of many - hard working older Americans that shouldn't have to risk their lives and aren't. We can say, get a better job, but, no, we can't really say that because if everyone had a better job who would be there to bag our groceries, clean the hotel rooms when we vacation, and serve us in our favorite restaurants? That's just not realistic. Everyone deserves to get by without suffering whether you have a college degree, a trade, or a J-O-B . . . 

With Love,

Carmen

Fidelis Care No Longer Accepted at Walgreens and More

So this is interesting. A little late to post on this but it's still on my mind for the reason I'll get into later. Effective January 1st Walgreens is no longer in the Fidelis Care network. The pharmacy called me after January 1st, wasn't that nice? 

Which was one of the reasons I switched back to CVS before they even gave me that phone call (nasty customer service) so lucky me. I was with CVS for years mainly because of the drive thru, not gonna lie. Definitely not for the customer service. 

Not sure why but most pharmacies have terrible customer service and most are nasty when greeting customers but it's whatever. I don't expect you to be my best friend but a smile and friendly attitude would go a long way. So I switched to Walgreens this past year because it's closer to where I'm presently living and it's just easier to park closer and walk inside than drive across town just for the drive thru. 

Which is funny, my drive thru pharmacy logic, always went there for the drive thru yet when I shop anywhere I park far away and walk for the exercise and so no one can ding my car. Cause people love to hit your car with carts and their doors when you park close to a store, but that's a rant for another day. So, yeah. I found out at the last minute. 

But at this point I had already started switching my prescriptions and my daughter's inhaler prescription before that phone call, a couple weeks before as a matter of fact, which brings me to my daughter's inhaler. She's been on the Flovent inhaler for about three years now. And the interesting story to her inhaler goes like this... 

Back in 2017, the end of winter that year, we all got a "cold" that for everyone else was a cold but within just TWO DAYS went straight to her lungs. One minute she was fine, went to school on Friday fine, then the next she had cough, sneezing, fever, and she's wheezing in a matter of two days by Sunday. Sound familiar? Hmm. 

So anyhow, she was almost hospitalized but the hospital sent her home to use a nebulizer and take a steroid and an antibiotic. She got better, then was fine. Never had breathing issues before nor after till the following winter of 2018 when she got again, a cold, that went straight to her lungs. Again for everyone else in the home it was just a little cold. Her twin barely got sick and she was sick first. 

But for this poor girl it went straight to her lungs, so her pediatrician decided to put her on an inhaler as prevention and diagnosed her with asthma triggered by upper respiratory infections. She's been doing great on this inhaler and she has albuterol as backup which she rarely needs, only if she's sick, which isn't often. 

So we found out around the same time that Fidelis was no longer covering her inhaler too. Oh, I take that back. We found that out FIRST. That's when I started to make my switch over to CVS with her inhaler. So that was first and it was a slap in the face. I went into Walgreens to pick up her inhaler after receiving a text notification that it was ready for pickup, and then found out it wasn't covered and the lady was rude about it acting like I hadn't been in there every month before that for the same script. 

So I went home and made phone calls and found out what had happened. They stopped covering it WITH NO WARNING to people who used the inhaler. So I contacted her doctor to see what their thoughts were on the new inhaler they did cover and felt reassured that we could make the switch to the other inhaler they were now covering. Make the switch and she immediately notices a difference in the way it tastes after and how it makes her feel. 

But her doctor and the pharmacy assured me it was just as good. So now it's been two months and I'm just gonna start paying out of pocket every month for her Flovent because I'd rather pay for something that helps her then have her on something that doesn't help her that the insurance covers. 

How sad? But it's okay, I hear goodrx.com has coupons and my daughter is worth it . . . Just wanted to vent about that. So dirty to do to people especially people with asthma during COVID. And there's a lot of elderly people that go to Walgreens for their scripts. I wonder how many of them found out at the last minute too that they no longer accepted Fidelis. 

Oh, and I had literally just switched from Empire Blue Cross to Fidelis for myself effective . . . January 1st BECAUSE more people in my area accept that than the Empire. Can I win here? Oh well. Am I surprised? Not even close. And I know a picture of candy for a post about pharmacies and health insurance is silly, but I just liked it better than the boring RX picture I found for free. 🧐😂

With Love,

Carmen

New Name and Back Again . . .

Well long time no see, again . . . what can I say? I had writer's block, creative blocks, busy with work and mom duties blocks, and honestly even lost my heart for my blog. But so much has happened that I just didn't have time but I'd like to make time again because this is good for me. 

It's engrained in my soul to blog and write and something I've loved to do since I was a little girl. So here I am . . . again. And with another new name change. 

Warning: it may change again, but if you like me just roll with it - adult ADD maybe? I don't know . . . but if you're subscribed you'll know when I change my name cause you'll get an email. 

Um, so here we are. It's "With Love Carmen" now. I like the ring of it but not sure how long it'll last 😂. I can't believe I haven't posted since 2018, wow. So my goals with my blog for 2021 - to revamp, delete some old stuff and move on with the new in life while also sharing some crazy things I've been through. 

My entire life is a story from the start, but my God just the last six years alone is sometimes too hard to believe. So here we go . . . my first post back and if you check back please keep in mind you'll notice changes with the design of my blog and my posts. 

Not sure if I'm feeling the new design theme I picked because it's not showing all my posts, even under the labels and the home page. Ugh, I really like this design - I wanna cry 😂. I have a lot of work to do . . . 💖✌️

With Love,

Carmen

We're All Immigrants . . .

Quozio

So where do we begin here . . . I've been reading a lot about immigration and the unAmerican separation of families recently, putting children in "cages" and horrific stories that make it seem as though we're heading for concentration camp type stuff.

I guess before I get too deep in here, for any ignorant bigots out there ready to spout off because of my Hispanic name, "if you don't like it, go back to where you came from," or some other racist garbage, here's some facts.

My mother is Caucasian. Her mother, my grandmother was a blonde haired blue eyed Irish woman. Her father, my grandfather, was a tall German World War II vet. My father is Puerto Rican born and raised in Arecibo, Puerto Rico, which I've learned a year ago and can't wait to explore more with my ancestry DNA has rich ties to Taino history.

And awesomely enough, my father carried on some of the Taino traditions probably not even realizing it. My father was in and out of my life till he went back to Puerto Rico when I was two months shy of my 12th birthday, and when he was a part of my life, including when my parents were together till I was age 4, he didn't want me to learn Spanish. My mother has told me this was because it was so hard for him to learn English when he came here at age 19 that he didn't want my brother and I to struggle, so he wanted us to know English only.

But after my mother, my father ended up having children with two Mexican women, one that he married, the last one of course. The first woman gave birth to my little sister who I have yet to meet, but we connected on social media about eight years ago. And then I have other siblings that live in Puerto Rico with my father. But the first sister who found me on social media, this teeny tiny Mexican Puerto Rican young woman was in the military, and it was her Mexican American MILITARY brother who found me on social media.

We don't speak much, because we weren't raised together and we're just different people. But I have so much respect for this little 5 foot sergeant in the U.S. military with over 10 years in, and her big brother with over 20 years in the military I believe. And both having been deployed overseas several times unlike the president in office who has never served in the military leading the "land of the free" with extreme dictator and tyrant qualities. In fact I hear he's a draft dodger.

So I've been seeing stories of small children, and older children, and young adults, and adults having their families ripped apart. Sad stories like the 27-year-old who stopped eating and speaking, and then died a week later in a hospital. And the 12-year-old separated from his mother who he says all she ever did was "work." And an infant separated from its mother after the mother crossed the border hoping to be free with her baby, and so many more sad stories. When I hear these stories, I feel like I can't believe it's happening HERE in the land of the free.

Most of these people come here for a better life, and many take the jobs that most Americans don't want. Growing up I remember this country was portrayed as a mixing pot, land of immigrants, land of the free, where people from other countries came to find freedom, to escape violence, and tryanny, to get an education, and a place where people could make dreams come true. Now it seems that this is all smoke and mirrors, and that freedom only applies to certain individuals. 

The truth is we're all immigrants. The only true "natives" in this country are the Native Americans - brown skinned brown eyed people. People who most of whom were slaughtered, and their land stolen from the "pale face." I mean, come on here. I've always prided myself on being a patriot, one of the few people at the 4th of July prades clapping and cheering for every Veteran, every fire truck, etc. that walked passed me and my children.

But the reality is this country is becoming land of surveillance, land of let's discreetly poison the inhabitants with chemicals in the sky, vaccines, water, and food, land of fake manmade weather, and land of freedom only applies to whoever the elect so deems fit. As someone who studied just how many gangs there are in this country, and what a problem it is, I still can't understand or fathom the deep hatred and disdain for Mexicans in particular. 

I don't know. I just don't understand how a country built on immigrants after stealing the land from the true natives of this land should have the right to dictate who can and can't become a U.S. citizen. I feel like the same rules should apply to all with the focus of course on eliminating true violent threats against our country. But hardworking peaceful people who are here to give a better life to their children, something's wrong with this picture. No wonder most of the world hates us. We're full of s**t.